Dealing with Loss

“Responsible people prepare for life. But we seldom prepare for death.”

You will lose someone you love. In fact, you’ll lose everyone you love. Most of us hide from this. In fact, I reckon a bunch of y’all stopped reading because you don’t have the bandwidth to think about that sad fact right now. Regardless, you’ll have to face this. 

Responsible people prepare for life. But we seldom prepare for death. Saving money for a wedding or retirement, planning our career path, building the perfect nursery. We plan for life and allow ourselves to be surprised by death. 

Loss will visit you, if it hasn’t already. Likely, it has. Ancient greeks would remind themselves, “momento mori.” Remember your death. There’s a buddhist saying that the vase is already broken. The path we’re on has only one trajectory, and we must accept that its destiny means it’s already happened. In the face of that, we’re left with what to do. 

My grandfather died recently. He was my role model. Our relationship is what any reasonable person could ask for. Now he’s gone. His death gave me an insight his life couldn’t: all you have is time and how you use it. As a yogi, I know this intellectually, but losing him allowed me to feel it. 

I have no regrets about our relationship. The grief of loss hurts most when we have tasks undone or words unsaid. With my grandpa, that lingering desire to say or hear or do the one thing to bring closer isn’t there. He lived a life worthy of emulating, and we had a relationship that informed me how to engage with the rest of my family. 

We have to deal with loss before we lose. If we can attempt to live with our values and engage meaningfully with our life, we’ll be able to accept loss when it inevitably happens. My parents are still alive. So is my wife and my daughter. My grandfather isn’t my daughter, and I feel quite differently about them. Obviously. So it’s reasonable to feel differently about them dying. But what I have to share is that we have to address our future regrets and either prevent them or make amends. 

“We have to address our future regrets and either prevent them or make amends. ”